I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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