Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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