thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
