Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
