I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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