Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
