i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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