He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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