I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
