im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
