I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
