Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize