just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
