I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
