Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
