i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize