Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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