so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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