Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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