i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
