I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
