my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
