whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
