I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i dont even know how to be here
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
