do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
