can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
