How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
