I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
