yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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