I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
