Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
