Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
People in love make me want to vomit
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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