shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
