Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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