Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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