I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
