apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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