we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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