well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize