I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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