Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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