Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
