coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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