So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
organizing the empties. That sober.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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