Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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