You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
