He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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