I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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