for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
