hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
