I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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