DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
