just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Randomize
