im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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