your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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