her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
