So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize