Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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