Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
