I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she peed on how many people?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
