when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
