I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
