We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
