i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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