i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
