Can i not drive my cunt home
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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