I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize