Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
