apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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