all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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