There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
